Bridal showers come in all shapes and sizes, so planning one starts with a few simple questions that incorporate the five journalism questions of Who, What, When, Where and Why.
The question of formal or informal will determine the answer to many of the other questions. If it’s formal the budget will be affected, the location may be an issue and the guest list may be reduced. In today’s world a bridal shower is more apt to be informal, even if it is catered or held in a restaurant. Occasionally, a small group of female friends may decide to do a more formal event, strictly because they like to get dressed up, have cocktails, and get out of the house. Most bridal showers today are more informal, if not downright casual.
Guests may include:
- women only
- adults only
- family members
- couples
A women only bridal shower can be frilly and frou-frou or as basic as cake and ice cream in a church basement. A tea party bridal shower is a fun idea when it’s women only. Anyone planning this type of bridal shower should keep in mind the age group of all of the guests and plan activities and decorations that will appeal to all and offend no one. This would not be the type of event to introduce erotic cookies, etc.
An adults only bridal shower is more often the norm, however, that should be made clear when the invitations are sent. If the shower is being held in a restaurant or in a location where space is limited, it might not be practical to invite children. Adult food may include items that would not be tasty for children.
Bridal showers are sometimes a family affair, with a “y’all come” attitude. Parties like these are often like family reunions, and care must be taken to insure that the bride-to-be, or celebrated couple don’t get lost in the shuffle. Try to make time for toasts, opening of gifts and other traditional shower protocol. It may be a great time to reminisce and bridal shower advice cards are a tactful way to do that. They give the guest family members a chance to both mention some special memory of the bride or groom and also to give them advice. They can be read at random during the shower, or given to the couple to share privately. It usually works best if family bridal showers don’t mix the bride and groom’s families, in one party, because it is too hard to accommodate that many people and too uncomfortable to blend them all together. Keep in mind that if children are involved, the adults should be reminded (perhaps in the invitation) to watch over their children so that the attention can be focused on the guest or guests of honor.
Couples showers are becoming very popular. Many people are delaying marriage and more mature couples tend to bond with other couples rather than with singles. They have grown up doing things as a group that included men and women both as friends and dates, so it is more natural for them to do a “friends wedding shower”. It’s a great opportunity to get together and combine it with a pre wedding shower. These types of wedding showers are usually very casual and lend themselves to an outdoor barbeque or an evening taco party. It may even be a potluck affair. There are some cute shower themes such as a “frog prince” theme or a “Buzz” couples shower. It’s a way to decorate for a party and celebrate the bride and groom-to-be without being too feminine in nature.
What is the budget?
This is one of the first questions to ask. The budget will determine the size, scope and setting of the bridal shower. More money doesn’t mean more fun, but it does mean more guests, more food choices and more venue possibilities. Some of the best bridal showers are hosted with a small budget and a big heart. These showers are usually held in someone’s home, a church basement, an apartment clubhouse, a back yard, or a local park. It can be as simple as cake and punch, or a potluck. Decorations can be as inexpensive as balloons and homemade signs and favors can be home baked cookies in a zip lock bag. It doesn’t have to cost a lot to mean a lot.
If the hostess or hostesses are busy people with jobs and/or families of their own, they may opt for a more structured bridal shower where the food is either catered or served in a restaurant. In those cases decorating may be limited, but it is always important to do some decorating. If the event is catered, the next decision will be the number of people invited. If you have enough room the guest list may be larger but it is recommended that you expect attendance of no more 50 people. If there are too many people the shower loses it’s intimacy and becomes less personal. The guest of honor doesn’t have enough time to greet each guest personally and thank them for coming. Everything takes too much time...too much time for seating, serving, opening gifts, etc. Today’s bridal shower should be efficient and short. Name tags and ID buttons are a big help when throwing a bridal shower where many of the guests don’t know one another.
Where will the bridal shower be held?
If you are planning on holding your bridal shower in a restaurant, hall, clubhouse, country club or any public or private business, you will need to plan far enough ahead to insure availability. Lock in your date and time by having something in writing. The location of the shower will determine the number of guests you can invite and how much money will be left for other expenses. You will need to check out the time you will be allowed to use the facilities, what food is allowed, security deposit amounts, if there is a limit to the number of people you can invite, is soft background music acceptable, can you decorate, can you provide the cake, can you have a gift table, and what is the cancellation policy?
Bridal showers that are held in private homes are more predictable, but not necessarily less expensive. They may still be catered or they may be a simple affair. Let the guests know in advance the type of food that will be served so they don’t plan on lunch if it will only be dessert. One thing that must be taken into consideration is parking space. Don’t invite more people than you can accommodate. If guests will be parking in front of neighbor’s homes, be sure to notify the neighbors in advance. In more upscale communities, there may be a gated entrance so be sure you have approval for that many guests and that someone will be able to let them in. If there are underground sprinklers, prepare small signs for each home affected by parking to advise guests not to park on the lawn. If close neighbors will be out of town ask for permission to let some guests park in their driveways. Make sure the guests have good directions to your home and decorate with outside balloons and banners to let guests easily spot the address. Designate someone to answer the door and keep watch for guests. That person can direct guests about where to put their coats and gifts. Make sure there are plenty of chairs and ask guests to wear name tags with their name and relationship to the bride. Announce each guest to the group as they arrive, if possible.
Who will be hosting and how will the duties be divided?
Often it’s the Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor and the bridesmaids who throw the shower. They usually split the cost and the duties. Sometimes it’s a close friend or family member. If the person throwing the shower is quite young or if money is a problem, the family of the bride should offer assistance, either monetarily, physically or both. The hostess may have the best of intentions but may be unable or incompetent and someone has to make sure that things move smoothly. That doesn’t give anyone free reign to take over the planning. In this case someone close to the bride or the hostess should just ask questions about the plans that have already been made to insure that important things have not been overlooked, and to see if assistance is needed or wanted. In the end, even though the plans may be a little disjointed, everything usually works out fine.
What is most important is that one person be in charge. In a group situation, it can be voted on, or one person can offer. From that point forward, everything can be divided, but without some leadership there may be too many problems and too many disagreements. To avoid hurt feelings or helpers who feel martyred, the planner should provide good information and allow each participant to express their opinion. In the end, however, a decision has to be made. The goal in planning a bridal shower is for everyone to share in both the work and the glory. Because people today are not always aware (or sensitive) of what RSVP really means, someone will usually have to check to make sure whether those who have not responded are coming. It’s sad, but true. Also, if you know individuals who always say they are coming but don’t show up half the time, you may have to keep a special watch on them and let them know, in advance, how hard it is to plan a party with so many unknowns and how important it is for them to come. Bridal showers cost money and it’s important not to be surprised by too many guests, or too few. Either way, keep a smile on your face to insure that the guest of honor has a good time and feels special. This is not the time to point out that her neighbor “Shirley” promised to bring something and didn’t follow through. Or that her Aunt Gladys is always late.
When will the bridal shower occur?
There is no hard and fast rule about when a bridal shower should occur. Generally, a bridal shower will occur before the wedding, but there are circumstances where it may occur later. In a situation where the couple eloped, a marriage occurred on the spur of the moment, a marriage was moved up quickly because of a pregnancy, the bride or groom was called to active duty, or for other reasons, the shower could occur after the wedding.
But, since most showers occur before the wedding, the question is, when should it occur? Generally speaking, a bridal shower or showers should be hosted during the month or two before the wedding. It can be held as closely as two weeks prior to the main event, but any closer than that is usually not practical or preferable. When planning a bridal shower it would be best to set your date, time and location as early as possible. That way, other showers or parties will have to be planned around yours. Ask the bride-to-be her preference first so that she can add the date to her schedule. Be sure that all guests are aware of the engagement before you send the invitation, and if you like, send “save the date” announcements a month or two before you send the shower invitations. Invitations are important because they set the guidelines: food being served, theme of shower (if any), formal or informal, time, date, where bride and groom are registered, etc.
If out of town guests are expected, it would be a good idea to check their schedules early, especially if they will be flying in. They will need to make plans far in advance. Normally, both the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom are invited to all bridal showers, except those showers that are work related. The mother of the groom may opt to have someone in her family host a shower consisting mainly of family and friends of the groom, but it must be coordinated with the bride. If it would require the bride and/or groom to travel to the location, the family of the groom should pay for the cost of transportation and lodging. That type of shower should be held further in advance of the other shower/s planned in the bride’s locale.
Who will be invited?
This is where things get sticky! If there are too many people on both the bride and groom’s side of the friends and family list, more than one shower should be planned. Ideally, bridal showers should be small and intimate, no more than 20 or so guests. Occasionally that is not possible, and then everyone needs to be flexible. Just remember, large showers require deep pockets. Traditionally, every woman invited to the wedding should be invited to a shower, but unless you are comfortable with throwing a large shower it is important to let the bride and groom know of your limitations. You don’t need to be embarrassed. It would be far worse to commit to a shower you can’t afford or one that would be tremendously stressful. Be honest about your ability and mention that “although you would love to do more, your budget and location can only accommodate a limited number of people”. You can also suggest that another friend or family member host an additional shower for the other people that should be invited. Remember, this is a gift you are giving the bride-to-be and she should be gracious and appreciative. If you don’t think that will happen, don’t make the offer!
Why should there be contingency plans?
Have you ever heard of hurricanes, floods, power losses, heat, ice storms, accidents, fires, earthquakes or broken engagements? Everyone knows of someone with a bridal shower or wedding horror story. If you plan a garden tea party, for example, be prepared for rain. If you have an alternative plan you won’t be as stressed and the shower will go off with ease, and a few chuckles. If you plan a shower at another location, such as a restaurant, and they close the day before because of an e-coli outbreak, be prepared. Always have an alternative option in mind. Is there another restaurant nearby that could accommodate the group and you could just order off the menu? If so, plan a choice of three of their existing entrees and let the restaurant and the guests know as far in advance as possible. Alternatively, pick someone’s house nearby and run to the deli fast. Take all of the decorations, favors, and supplies with you. If there were to be a power loss, make sure there are lots of candles, hand held fans, and packaged food options available. Even if you have to limit the menu to cake and punch, it’s still a bridal shower.
Worst case scenario, the shower will have to be postponed. If the weather or mother nature intervenes, change it to a date asap and start over. It may mean that some guests won’t be able to make it, and there will be disappointment galore, but a party is a party and the celebration will be just as important and just as much fun if you are able to roll with the punches. Keep in mind the reason for the bridal shower and not the location, food or previous plans. If the bride or a family member gets sick, have the shower anyway, if the medical problem is not life threatening. Put a large picture of the bride (poster size) on the wall and let her mother or best friend act as the guest of honor in her absence.
What about a broken engagement? It happens. If it happens just before the shower, call it off, suck it up, and support the bride (not-to-be). Friends and family are the most important things on earth and it’s not the time to feel sorry for yourself and play the blame game. If you want to remain close you’ll just have to realize that things happen, money gets wasted, and the best laid plans...yada, yada, yada. If the food has been paid for, throw a non shower party or give it to a homeless shelter. Make sure any gifts that have been delivered in advance go back to the giver. If later, before the wedding date, the couple reunite and continue with the wedding, they will just have to forfeit the shower and make do with wedding gifts. Not your problem!
Party Essentials: Balloons | Banners & Signs | Beverage Cups | Candy & Cookies | Centerpieces | Confetti |